This is me, your curious student of this universe. I’m writing for you after postponing doing so for many weeks. I thought the letter would be the hardest thing to do despite the fact You knew what things that were inside my mind.
Much like Your book that invites me visiting it again and again, so will this love letter. I actually dropped some takeout from the Book in the previous posts. But I need to sum it all then add more hearts in this post. And I hope I will write yet another post about Your book in the future as the more I study the Qur’an, the more I realize Your extreme love for me. And I have to share Your love for friends, netizens and anyone who happen to come by to my website.
You know what, ya Rabb? I will proudly and humbly share this love letter on the internet. Despite countless grammar errors and rumblings here, I am not ashamed to tell the whole world how super lucky I am to have come thus far, to have cherished and lived by Your words every single day.
Moreover, I am not afraid to let people know about our intimate conversation because I know my love for Your Book will always, always be reciprocated. Because You are the ultimate source of love itself. It has always been me who rejects or dismisses Your affection.
Some say, hardship is the express route for receiving guidance. In my case, that speaks more. The latest hardship is Your way of preparing me to receive the greatest gift ever in my life; Alqur’an. More precisely, taking the Holy Book seriously with this thankful and low-profile state.
I won’t get tired to mention this name, ustadz Nouman Ali Khan, for helping me to come to this stage. Every time I listen to his tafseer on Albaqarah, my heart is softened, renewed and revived. I talk to myself: “Wohoho, this is it! This is what I want for my whole life. Something that drives my curiosity while at the same time, keeps straight on the right path.”
I particularly love Your book because it marks the ending and the beginning on my new chapter of life. You must know, ya Allah, that I am such an avid reader and writer. Masya Allah, you have blessed me with these incredible hobbies; reading and writing. The two have been my best buddies since I was a little girl.
Running to books and writing have been my solace. I don’t have to worry of losing friends because they will never leave me. I don’t feel old despite the fact that I grow weaker physically as days go by. Absorbing information, embracing knowledge, reflecting, contemplating and sharing have become my habit.
Somehow, I slowly made the pursuit of knowledge as one of the top goals in my life. Of course, the knowledge wasn’t about You or the Qur’an. I worshipped opinions or writings from intelligent authors. During the years of doing so, I read Your book. But that felt nothing. Worse, I didn’t think it was important for connecting myself with Your book with a down-to-earth attitude. I thought cleansing my heart was unnecessary. No wonder I considered Your book as mere knowledge. It didn’t attract me by heart.
Alhamdulillah that the greatest calamity in my life happened last year. At the beginning of 2019, I felt like the calamity couldn’t hit me any sooner or later. What was supposed to happen eventually did. It took me by surprise that as months went by, You taught me a precious lesson I couldn’t think of. The calamity was all my own fault. You permitted the emotional rollercoaster to have occurred to teach me one thing. You wanted me to get closer to You more than ever. Only then my relationship with Your book has got tighter.
It does take multiple, tiring phases to really build a solid and sound foundation with the Qur’an. But the pain and the confusion are so worth it. I am overjoyed every time I read your Book then get what lies behind every ayah. My heart leaps with enthusiasm. Sometimes, I cry every time I recall how loving You are by dragging me closer to the Holy Book.
I was a dark, pessimistic person. I was fighting with nostalgia and overthinking. Alhamdulillah, coming back to Your Book calms my heart. Better future and bright days always lie ahead. And nothing is as bad as I think of.
And You know that as I get closer to Your book, the harder the tests await me. Some of them have turned into realities. And you know what, ya Allah? I start thinking it doesn’t matter what will the results be. All I care is maintaining this sincerity and reliance upon You only. All I want to nourish is this imaan or faith upon Your help and good plan.
This religion, Islam, begins looking so beautiful for me. I have been a moslem for my entire life but I come to that conclusion just now. Well, at least, I proudly say that with this honest heart. The religion indeed teaches me to first and foremost believe in You, act according to Your words and leave all efforts entirely on Your hands.
Easier said than done but I have come closer to You by doing that. And really, it’s the journey that really matter. It’s the process that tastes so sweet and liberating. I finally sip the delicacy of imaan that Masya Allah sets me free bit by bit.
Ya Allah swt, I could spend hours to enlist wonderful things that have flourished inside my heart because of the Holy Book. But as You always teach us to put everything in balance, I thus end it now. Thanking you immensely for all of the blessings. Guide me to always keep my intention pure and grateful.
Your humble servant,