If I were not suffering from unrequited love two years ago, I wouldn’t have known Nouman Ali Khan..
My dearest friend introduced me to his name after I told her about the painful romance. At the end of our e-conversation, she brought up his name along with one of his videos about hope.
I thanked her on our dialogue but deep inside, I wasn’t interested at her suggestion. Never in my life did I rely on an Islamic preach to heal scars in my heart. I thought praying to Alloh swt was sufficient to get me along the rough path.
Somehow, I browsed his name on YouTube. The first of his video that I watched wasn’t about the theme that my friend suggested. That didn’t matter though. Because at an instant, I was hooked by his khutbah.
I forgot the title of his sermon but the first impression has been lingering until now. I was attracted to his straightforwardness and humility. He focused on one ayat only. From there, he drew lines from the ayat to everyday fact.
After that, I clicked on the link that was sent by my friend. The video stunned me even more. I’d like to be brutally honest here.
I have been a muslim for my entire life. I was raised in a muslim neighborhood. Ninety-nine percent of my village residents are muslims. Everything was fine until I was 24 years old. When I began experiencing serious problems in my life at 25, my faith was shaken.
I had terrible situations at work till I resigned from the job. Bit by bit, Alloh swt pulled me away from things that were hindering me closer to Him. The first thing was my profession.
I loved my job so much until I didn’t realize it became my other God, figuratively speaking. So, Alloh swt took the job away from me. After that occurred, my emotion was better although I had to move from one job to the other.
There was one thing that shocked me about Him that persisted at least until last year. It was about romance. Shortly put, I underwent devastating love experiences that I questioned Him a lot. Did He know what was happening to me? Why didn’t it work out? Why couldn’t that guy love me back? Was there something wrong with me?
The ongoing problem caused me turning into a naive person. Yes, I was performing sholat, fasting and giving alms. I read articles about the religion but my heart was putting boundaries. Something was missing.
I hadn’t fully trusted Him yet.
For years, the naivete grew larger. I felt like I was having a dual personality thingy. I couldn’t differentiate which were whispers from satan and which were my ruh statements.
I listened to dakwah from Indonesian ustadz but none of stuck onto my heart. Not because of their materials but because I thought I was naïve. I kept rejecting the truths that came from them.
But Alloh swt knew me very, very well. He knew that my ears couldn’t accept good words from Bahasa Indonesia. Yes, I was that very arrogant. Until my friend mentioned the name of ustad Nouman Ali Khan.
His sermon got into my heart right away. Some of his preaches slapped on my face. Hurtful but healing at the same time. For about two years, I watched his videos regularly. The more I watched his sermons, the more I knew that I wasn’t actually a hypocrite. But satan was whispering into my chests so loudly that his voices blocked me from listening to what my ruh said.
From his dakwah, I began looking for my own vision in life. I started learning to trust Alloh swt for smallest things He gave and gives still. Ustad Nouman is such a brilliant speaker. He really implements what the Alqur’an wants to teach. The simple, timeless guidance that answers all human being problems.
My favorite from his khutbah is when ustadz Nouman invites people to exercise pondering over Alloh’s ayat through everyday objects, including our bodies. Gazing at the stars, bird, sky, moon and sun now becomes fun experiment to replace my addiction to smartphone.
Above all else, I really admire his invitation to us coming back to the Qur’an. I got very used to the Qur’an that I didn’t think of benefiting myself from the book. I thought the book was just for knowledge. But the ustadz always reminds us to make efforts connecting to the book. By heart, not by mind.
This year, I got another terrible experience, again about love. Alhamdulillah that I survived from the heartbreak solely because of His love, forgiveness and caring. After the test, alhamdulillah Alloh swt allowed me joining #IDW2019 and #StoryNightWhisper with the ustadz.
Hang around for a bit for more details about the events. I closed the post by thanking each and every one of you who read the post. May Alloh swt grant us higher Jannah, amiin ya robbal’alamiin..