Is He really number 1 in our lives? (Inspired by Nouman Ali Khan)

Agreeing that Alloh swt is the Creator of the universe is easy. Accepting that He is the One who decides outcome of our attempts and organizes our lives is not that simple, for some believers.

During pre-Islam era, doing syirk was visible. Idols, statues, trees, animals, sun, among others, were gods for certain tribes or nations. Sometimes we thought that after Islam came, syirk was no longer present among us in modern time. But syirk remains exist and this may not be realized for some believers. I myself was one of them. Alhamdulillah, Alloh swt saved me. He gave me time to have realized that I had some other gods. Through very painful experiences, He handed a very precious gift that the more I am holding to it tightly, the more I am so blessed to be His slave. That gift was coming back to Him sincerely.

Alloh swt presents each and every of His slave unique experience through which he or she can hopefully understand what goes wrong in his or her life. My story? It relates to my romance life. I had been falling with some men since I was a university student. Lately, I realized that Alloh swt brought these amazing men into my life to have taught me that I had very weak iman (faith) on Him. It was very easy for me to have made these men into my other gods.

I depended how my days looked like upon my interactions with them. My mood was based on their attitudes to me. Fighting for their love, acceptance became my number one goal. Alloh swt was mostly nowhere. I believed I would be happy if I won their love and attention.

This pattern occurred several times until one day Alloh swt met me with another man who eventually from him Alloh swt forced me to have learnt about what true iman is in hardest way ever. So confusing that I had no one to have turned to, but Alloh swt. At that time, I left my problem to Him then learnt to reduce my expectation on people. Alhamdulillah, that was the time when I completely reinforced my iman and has been clasping it through ups and downs.

Some may encounter different ways. There are people who devote most of their lives for money, health, travelling, spouses and even children. When they do, they may indirectly make His creations into their other gods. The indications are they only remember Alloh swt during salah. What occupy their minds most are their problems or His creations.

Some think mostly how to reduce how many kilograms within certain weeks or months. Others focus on how to earn this or that much money within targeted time. Others revolve their lives around their kids’ successful lives. Worse, there are some who don’t realize they make their egos as other gods. They force upon things or people so that they do or say as they wish them to. They justify their behaviors. They believe they are better than others and don’t take critics. Those are the times when they no longer make Alloh swt as the top priority in their lives.

When that happens, their intentions are not for Alloh swt. When they perform salah, they wish for certain things or people. When they pray, they beg Alloh swt for realizing their wishes. While as a matter of fact, as a humble servant, we must know our position. We can ask for certain things or people but not beg Him to grant our wishes. Because it is only Alloh swt who knows best and what will go unjust in our lives if we persist on demanding the same things or people.

For myself, maintaining iman and khusnudzon to Allloh swt is very difficult task in times when everything demands visible or written evidence. Add to that is public’ expectations, stereotypes and “normalcy” and seemingly endless problems that come into my life. Alhamdulillah, again, I have been learning to no longer relying upon myself alone. I have been internalizing His guidance in Alqur’an as a stick or solid rope in this life. With that said, I hope I am on the right track to always make Alloh swt is my number 1.

Reference: “Master and Slaves”, a video by Nouman Ali Khan by Bayyinah Institute.

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