Welcoming myself back here, at this ‘home’

Every time I make a comeback I will write this sort of note. I don’t know for how many times I compose this piece of writing for never mind about that, because yep.. here I am again after months of hiatus.

The last time I put traces here are in January. Things happen a lot after that. Personally, professionally..

My father was badly sick at the end of January. Alhamdulillahirobbil’alamiiin he is improving very well now. Thank you to Alloh swt for making him recovering again. My father’s illness is so far the most devastating thing occurring in my life. I was spending about two weeks at the hospital in Semarang, taking care of him, well to be precise, helping my mother and sister taking a good care of him because I am so bad at taking care sick people. Also, I had to work at his side at that time.

I can say that those moments were the hardest ones to have coped with. Not only I was so sad witnessing my father lamenting and complaining about his sickness, but also at the same time I had to work harder than usual. My health was a little bit declining given physiological stress that I had to endure given my father’s condition.

Alhamdulillahirobbil’alamin.. I can also say that the two-weeks time was also the sweetest chances for me to have got together again with my mother, my sister and my relatives. Alloh swt had the best kind of way to have put us together into one room, 24 hours a day without having too much to do other than talking and laughing and taking good care of each other. It was incredible to remind myself how the challenging times were actually His best way of making the bond of the four of us much stronger than already is.

Early March, I came back to Jakarta again for working and being active again in Ketimbang Ngemis Jakarta. On the way back to Palmerah, I was smiling at myself as I felt so glad coming back to the capital. By that time, I promised to myself that if my dad’s health restored again, I would consider another problem as small, unworthy of tears rolling down my cheeks.

But you know what happened?

For around two months I often cried because of bullying. The story is my former employer offered a freelance copywriting job for his client, a state agency. I was excited at that time because I needed the type of job that he offered. The payment was good, I believed the monthly money would be transferred at agreed time. I was thinking the job would be easy as I had only to compose one caption per day for some social media platforms plus photo caption.

From the very beginning of the job, the clients were demanding, if the word “annoying” was too negative. At first I was still patient until their overly critics were making my patience running very thin. For instance, they gave critics over the grammar that I applied. Although I defended my choice, they kept complaining. Sometimes, they made me changing the captions that I had written for reasons I didn’t understand. That meant I had to work twice but with the same payment.

Sometimes they behaved like school kids. When they were busy, they didn’t care about my writing, they just agreed on it. But when they were having spare time, they gave critics, a lot of them, most of them were nonsense! Like, changing “Republic of Indonesia” to “Indonesia”, zzzz…

Or “Thomas Lembong” to “Tom Lembong” as if everyone in the country knows him that friendly! The thing that made me realizing they were bullying me was when they said my caption on the use of artificial intelligence in smartphones was pointless. Oh I wish I could slap their faces at that time! I am serious!

That was the moment I cried the hardest (I previously cried but not that painful). That was the time I realized I was underestimated, that I was almost at the verge of doubting myself, my capability. Then I reminded myself the times when I was bullied at The Jakarta Post and The Jakarta Globe. I was at the lowest points of my life in terms of career paths.

So, I made up my mind I didn’t let anyone again doing the similar thing to me. Not long after the ‘bullshit remark they made on the smartphone caption’, I resigned, just two months from the agreed 10 month-contract.

Right now, I rely on my job as a freelance journalist for Gizmologi.id/com. You can say I took high risk letting the copywriting job go without replacements yet but I am fine because at least I don’t have to cry over that stupid people’ responses. I am going to write my returning to journalism with Gizmologi.id in another story for it’s a very wonderful one to share.

Between March and early May, I was very hectic, especially with the copywriting part. And now, I have more time to think, read and of course come back here again. I miss filling up this blog because I have mostly written in Bahasa Indonesia since February. I miss expressing feelings, taking out whatever inside my chest in this platform.

I will also share what I have with Nouman Ali Khan, my favorite Islamic speaker some other time. I hope I have time for that.

And oh, reading novels?

Don’t worry. I keep on reading, and since I have more time now, I will get back at the current title, which is “Great Expectations” by Charles Dickens, hehehe..

It feels good to be back here, at the place where I can feel at peace and let things out without having the need of gaining many views or clicks..



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