Entrepreneurship isn’t my thing

A thin line makes it all the difference. At least for me. In social media world that enables every one making money in much simpler and less costly ways, I am not part of it. Or to be precise, I don’t know how to eat a little bit portion of the big pie. I am an extended arm of those who employ me generating money from the internet. Not even a small part of the delicious cake is at the tip of my tongue.

I am a consumer, a faithful one, to be honest. What if I say I was born to be a pure buyer instead of entrepreneur? Oftentimes, I tell to myself that is just an excuse in exchange of my unwillingness to give it a try. Create, promote and sell things or services.

I tried doing those things for a couple of times. Unsuccessfully. First and foremost because I was not serious. I was and am still ashamed of doing so. There is a mental mindset that needs to be changed. I know that but I don’t want to do that. In today’s world when every one can actually attempt to set up a business in easier ways, I still don’t want to do that.

Many of my friends have businesses, be they small or big. They sell clothes, foods, cosmetics, chocolates, a lot of products via internet or not. The thing is, they sell, be independent ones instead of relying only on monthly salaries from the companies they work at. Some open business accounts that display the products, create signature logos, have business bank accounts and such. In short, they are really eager to be businessmen.

While some buy goods from certain sellers then they resell them with specific profit sharing. And I? Well.. I am remain a devoted costumer. Sometimes I buy their products and sometimes not.

Let me tell you my failed attempts in setting up businesses.

First, when I was a very small kid back in my hometown. I and my best friend were trying to sell daily products and toys to our fellows and neighbors. Some were sold but others were not. We were thinking we were just playing with the idea so we didn’t resume it. I have no ideas where the goods were gone.

When I was a university student, I and my close classmate were trying to sell our expertise in translation. Well, it was just I who actually was wishing to pay tuition fees on my own then I forced my friend to have helped me realizing my dream. My pal was too kind not to have rejected my wish so she was assisting me copying paper-based advertisements that should have been put in public walls or electricity poles. In Indonesia, you will see a lot of advertisements posted in those materials because placing advertisements in newspapers are very expensive.

But I never did that. I was too ashamed. Anyway, smartphones hadn’t existed at that time.

A few years ago, when I had a handsome job I was trying to sell again. This time around, I was putting some advertisements of old magazines and books in Indonesia’s prominent online market like Amazon.com. This, too, was fruitless. Even in the time when smartphones and social media could have helped me a lot, I was too embarassed to do that. I didn’t want to fill my friends’ Facebook walls with my offered items. I was also not serious with this idea.

So, here I am. Though I am quite (read: still have so much to learn) enthusiastic about creative writing I am sometimes disappointed with myself on my stance of not giving another shot to promote all the skills that I have. Too poor that the transparant line still exists between my creative writings and self-promotion. The tiny space that needs to be bridged. And I still haven’t had any guts to build it.

Instead, I apply to some freelance jobs. I set up this blog and another one in other platform in a hope people will subscribe, follow or attract advertisements by which they will pay me for what I write.

I know, and thoroughly understand that I am left behind. I haven’t completely tapped my potential. I don’t have any courage to transform it into money on my own ways. So to speak, I haven’t been independent. Somehow, this is where I am at. The phase of life that I have to appreciate. Then, hopefully I can go from this bit by bit to be a fully independent employee. Writing about this dream still sparks joy as it has already been in the past few years. This, at the moment, is more than enough to get me through hard days as recent ones that passed me by.


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