It’s Over!

Five years, five different jobs, five offices, and it’s over! My duty, a very noble one, is over next month as my beloved sister graduates. You can’t never feel how relieved I am. This post does not mean to express my narcissism or my arrogancy for being able to finance my sister’s college study for five years. I just want to say how happy I am for conducting this responsibility. I also want to express my gratitute to God and praise myself for all hardworking that I have done so far. I AM VERY PROUD FOR MYSELF! Seriously!

 

This post actually aims at showing and rebuilding my confidence through small and giant things that I have achieved. Funding my sister’s study is THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE SO FAR! And until now, I sometimes can’t believe I did that. Through tears, joys, ups and downs, jobs searches, bosses’ complaints, all my salary and saving are enough to have my sister get a good education as a nurse. Most of friends receive praises for their excellent studies, good jobs, promising careers, etc. Sometimes, I feel so low as I still haven’t continued my study. I also have not-so-good job and career. But then, I realize I sometimes feel more superior than them for all the things I have done for my family. Funding someone’s college study is so damn hard. It’s like I now act as a breadwinner who has to ensure my family has enough money to eat and buy basic goods. I have to use my money wisely so that I can send enough money for my sister.

 

At first, I hated to finance my sister. I was forced to do that since my parents have limited salary to cover all expanses. Besides, my sister’s nursery study that takes a lot of laboratory practices, medical devices, that require a lot of money other than monthly pocket money, tuition fee, boarding room money, etc. I knew I was going to do that but I still found it so damn overwhelming once I took the responsibility. But I love my sister, of course. I want her to taste best education she can ever have. She’s smart, diligent, and has huge passion to study. With inner conflicts within my heart, I took the task. I was a new journalist at that time. I was already stressful with the job, the pressure, and now I had to send monthly money for my sister and my family as well. That felt miserable at first, I have to tell. I couldn’t use all my money for fun or buy things as I like. Every time I wanted to do that, my sister’s study came across in my mind.

 

Since then, her study and her need come first. Each time I receive my salary, I have to ensure she has all of hers first then mine. Day by day, I get used to that. I even feel grateful that I learn how to experience such a huge responsibility at this young age. That means I am capable and I should not doubt myself for that. Funding my sister’s study allows me to learn to use my money well and not be selfish. I learn how hard it is to finance one’s study despite the fact I haven’t had any children. But I can imagine how difficult is it to become parents someday, amin.

 

The feeling of being lucky and being doomed for that responsibility comes and goes within five years. I can tell you that sometimes I cried when my sister texted me asking for some amount of money despite the fact I just sent her some. I know I have enough saving but I can’t wholly feel fine to send money more than once in a month. And she knows exactly how I feel. Thankfully, I have the best sister in the world. Our relationship is weird. We love fighting, a lot, word war, I mean. We have different characters. She is a talkactive person, sociable, but obey my parents’ words. Me? I am an introvert, not very sociable, but so stubborn. LOL!

 

I believe I hand in the money to the best person I can trust. My sister uses it well. She doesn’t shop very much and she knows how to hang out without spending too much money for that.

 

Lately, I am so lucky for carrying the responsibility as that wakes me up when I feel like I am unused. Recent failures in some aspects of life, in love and career, sometimes make me down. But my success in financing my sister’s college study helps me to understand how I have been useful for her, my family, and my extended family. Knowing how they need and love me is amazing. Now I feel I am great and I must never underestimate myself. My persistence, patience, and hardworking for my sister proves me that I am strong and I am a fantastic person.

 

To celebrate this, I sometimes think about crazy ideas just to give a marvellous present for myself. To thank for myself. Actually, I am thinking of going overseas but visa application gives me a problem. But I’ll keep for that later. For now on, enjoying this sense of gratitude and confidence is best gift I can give for myself for completing this honorable duty.

 

And you know what! I think I’m gonna miss this moment one day. The moment when I feel so dizzy reading my sister’s text or listening to her calls on the amount of money I have to send to her bank account. LOL. Thanks God for this wonderful lesson. Thank you for my parents for allowing me to take over their responsibility. Now I know how hard it is! And thankfully, again, I did that while I am still single. And for my sister, thank you for the chance to bear upon this duty. I hope you can get a good job soon, amin. And thank you life for a sweet smile upon my face as I am writing this…

 

The Mistake

I have always been wondering why I easily fell sick lately. In the past one month, wicked flu viruses hit my body. First, I got flu at the end of last month which was not that bad. I still managed to go to the office despite my weak body. But just last week, it struck me again. And this time around, this went all so bad. I think I live a healthy life. Ever since I stop being a journalist, I start eating on time. Three times a day. I sleep early, almost always before 10 p.m. and wake up at 5 or 5.30 in the morning. Besides, I opt to eat more fiber foods, vegetables, and fruits. Fruits are bit expensive so I change it with vegetables. I once read it’s okay to exchange fruits with vegetables as long as our body receive sufficient fiber intake.

 

At the moment, the weather in Jakarta is not really good. All Jakartans, and Indonesians probably, face a weather change from dry to rainy season. So I guess, that probably what makes my body so weak. But I swallow vitamins actually. What went wrong then?

 

I won’t remember that miserable week. One of the most awful weekend during my entire life so far. That day was Thursday, September 20, 2012. I easily remember the date as that marked the big day for all eligible Jakartans to vote for their governor. Instead of coming to the office, I slept in the bed, mourning a very bad flu I caught the day before that. I felt so dizzy thus I was afraid to come to the office. I asked for a permit to take one day off and took full rest throughout the day.

 

Some say, you may let your body sick but not your mind and soul. Despite such awful condition, I surprisingly received some messages from unknown friends asking for my translation services. They are my friend’s friends, who probably stay in Yogyakarta. They are in the process of finishing their Master study. I should have not said “yes” for one of the offers as I wasn’t fully recovered but I missed translating and writing in English so much that I could hardly reject it. Besides, I needed some extra cash at that time, so why not?

 

By the morning, my body was still feverish but my head was fine. I didn’t feel dizzy anymore so I was present at the office. I had abundant jobs to be done, after all.

So, Friday and Saturday were went all fine despite my ill condition. I always said to myself that everything would be okay as long as my head was not dizzy. That’s true anyway until I worked till Saturday night while watching a football match, which featuring teams that I don’t know really well. I thought that I wouldn’t feel the disease as long as I was happy. I forgot to take some rest before I moved on to the second football match.

 

I actually got a two-hour sleep before I watched Juventus but I don’t think I used it well. I woke at around 1:30 a.m, and felt so good when Juve defeated Chievo. I guess I didn’t really sleep during the hours. By Sunday morning, I found myself so damn weak and I often coughed. And my eyes could not stop staring at my laptop while translating.

 

That was when I realized I made a very big mistake; working while being sick. I wanted to cancel my plan meeting up with my best friends from the college as my body was weakening from hour to hour. I could even hardly walk outside the boarding room. I lost my appetite. But I missed my friends so much, especially the one who initiated the randevous as we hadn’t meet for five years. She now lives in Riau, far away from here. So, I went to the place where we met. I was so joyful and realized how blessed I am to have such crazy but extremely kind friends. But I couldn’t explain how my body felt. I coughed and worse, I even found it so hard to breathe. I used my mouth to breathe because I coughed every time I was trying to breathe through my nose.

 

By 7.30 p.m, I skipped my translation job. I did not watch football games and straightly went to sleep after I drank an anti cough syrup I just bought thanks to the advice from my friend’s friend.

 

That was when my nightmare began. I could not sleep at all! I coughed and could not breathe throughout the night. I woke up several times. I took pee, I changed my sleeping position several times but still… my eyes were wide open. I drank the anti cough syrup again but my cough continued to get worse than ever! For the first time in my life, I could not sleep because of cough and heavy breathing, like those who suffer from asthma. I was in a great panic at that time and cried while begging for God’s help just to have one or two hours for sleeping.

 

At around 6 a.m, I ate chicken porridge since I only ate “siomay” the night before. And alhamdullilah, I slept though just one or two hours. But that was enough to let my body rest. After I took a bath, I went to the doctor. She gave me some pills and again, an anti-cough syrup, that fortunately worked well for me. She suggested me to return to her for a laboratory examination recommendation should I still find it hard to breathe. But after two days, I got better though my breathing has yet to return to normalcy but I believe I am not suffering from asthma. None of my family has an asthma history. Day by day, my cough is diminishing and my breating is returning well. At the beginning of the year, I suffered from this similiar kind of cough and I recovered in weeks. It always takes a long time for me to fully recover from cough so this time around I can do that, too. Usually, cough hits me in the morning. I guess I still have to take another anti-cough syrup later after I drank all the syrup the doctor gave me. Sigh!! Too many pills, syrup for a mistake that I did. Next time, I won’t repeat that. Being healthy is God’s most expensive gift I can ever have and I mustn’t  play around with that. Thank you Alloh swt for this healthy body. I now feel much better despite this strange voice and occasional cough. But I can live normally now. Thank you and thank you.